I’m a hot-tempered guy, I admit that. Maybe for the first impression, I look just fine and happy person. But deeper, I just can’t control my temper if something happen not like I expected to be. My wife told me about this kind of view that I had today. I know she was trying to tell me long time ago, but I just got mad and getting our relationship worse.
The most victims were my family, my wife, kids even my in-laws and parents. And I am really sorry for my temper burst out back those days. Well, things happened and can not be turn back time and fix it. I can only fix from this day and onward. I also admit that the pains, scars and maybe bitterness will remain there.
From the starting 2019, I started to write more often and this year will be my point of no return. Not daily writing yet, but starting more frequent. The impact is positive. I get more flexible as I read and write a lot of things. And I understand how to pour out my problems, my temper into writings.
My writings are based in my real life problems. Also most of them were ignited from my attitude.
I tried to write since high school, but never get into the right pace and right moment to write. As my life continue, I got lost the willing to write and leaving it behind. I lived in my own pain and bitterness, creating shells and if someone trying to crack it, I will burst out violently. It carried along until I got married, had children and until 2018.
Days in 2018 was the darkest days of my life. I almost losing every precious pieces that I have. I realize that was not right and something got me wrong along those days. I know the problem, but I just can’t do this alone. I read a lot of personality writings, relationship writings and religious writings. I gave up to God. I was helpless, but I don’t want to share it to anyone even to my closest people as my wife. Then I start to write, as I must fight my own fear in writing. I joined Medium, applying WordPress, Journey, Evernote as my point of no return. I released things that dragged me down and with a lot of sleepless night, many cups of coffee, I getting up again.
Now, I grow up better as my wife saw the progress. She keep me informed about my changes even still I don’t tell her anything about my problem, my way-out and my progress in writing or in any subscriptions. I must refresh my relationship, even it will be hard to do this since I lost a lot of trust from my family. I even got nickname from my oldest son as grumpy dad. Ouch!
The only thing I need to get out of my life is my smoking habit. Still in progress and trying hard.