Who cares if one more light goes out? In a sky of a million stars

If they say
Who cares if one more light goes out?

In a sky of a million stars
It flickers, flickers

Who cares when someone’s time runs out?

If a moment is all we are
We’re quicker, quicker
Who cares if one more light goes out?
Well I do

That’s the reffrain of Linkin Park’s song titled One More Light. Not long after I read the lyrics and know a bit about Linkin Park, I found this song really have deeper meaning rather than just an ordinary song. Specially for the vocalist. Linkin Park’s songs mostly tell about bitter life of someone living in someone else’s shadow. It’s about dissapointment of parents to their child and vice versa.
Maybe, most of us have same condition as the songs. Admit or not, we, as child could felt disappointment to our parents and as parents would felt the same to our child. Surely we will live in vicious circle of disappointment and bitterness. For the truth, I did. I did felt bitterness and disappointment to my parents, so did them. As far as I remember, I started to get disappoint in age 4. Since then, layer by layer of disappointment covering me for each passing years, creating bitterness. Built up so bitter until one moment I said clear enough to my wife that I will never feel sad if my parents died.

My wife is a religious woman. She suggested me to visit counsellor from her Church, to break the vicious circle. I did visit, but firstly just to make her happy. But I got realise those circle is there and I will be in there forever unless I break it. So that moment, is the third times I can feel God really near. Just waiting for me to reach Him. In short, I talked to my parents, open up each pain that I ever felt to them. And feels so light afterward.

We always have choices. Whatever it is. And each choice we take always have risk, known or unknown and good or bad. FYI, when I still in bitterness, I even had planned some ways to destroy my parents even killed them. Kind of a perfect plan, from destroying their life, kill, erasing traces and evidences. Because I would not commit suicide, but I do make someone hurt me suffer as much as I do.
That was in the past.
I was in the vicious circle of my own revenge. Then I hurt someone that should not be hurt. That makes me realize, I was so wrong. I hurted my family.

I’m in the way to fix the problem. But scars will remain. I hope I will be forgiven.